


Monster

by ScarlettMage



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bullying, Gen, Insults, Mental breakdown? Emotional breakdown? God idk but its a mess, Murder, Self-Hatred, Shiratorizawa's only mentioned, Sorry Not Sorry, Suguru isnt there much oops, Tendou Satori Needs a Hug, Vomiting, unintentional murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:20:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26168548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarlettMage/pseuds/ScarlettMage
Summary: Of all the things he expected to happen today, this was the very last.In hindsight, following instructions from an anonymous letter was one of his worse ideas.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow a discussion with a friend about baking and stuff resulted into this <3

He should've just stayed at the dorms, really. There was no reason for him to go, to follow a dumb little anonymous note he'd found slipped inside his locker. Semi would've given him the lecture of a lifetime if he knew what he was doing... yet that was a problem for _later_ he decided as he slipped his hands into the pockets of his hoodie- his favourite, it was black and warm, protecting him from the biting chill of the creeping night.  
  
Eventually, he came to a stop at where it said to meet, a playground. It was pretty simple, with a slide, swings, monkey bars and some of those swing horse things... whatever they were called. He vaguely recalled coming here once to play with a friend... who cared if they were teens? Playgrounds were still fun! He'd said as much before pushing them onto the swings.  
  
For a few minutes he stood there, waiting and humming a new pop song as he waited, eyes closed. Jeez... was he early? Ugh, better be. It'd suck to skip dinner trying to arrive here at sunset only to end up stood up and stuck in the cold as he waited for someone who'd never come.  
  
A sigh escaped him as he opened his eyes, tilting his head back to stare at the darkening sky for a brief moment before letting it drop back, looking at the ground. He didn't have the patience for this... He was _hungry_ and it was _cold_ and he'd be damned if he staid out here for anything more than half an hour. To help pass time he grabbed out his phone, taking note of the time and unlocking it to play a game.  
  
Of course it just _had_ to be _then_ that he was stopped from doing so by a pair of footsteps. Slipping his phone back into his pocket he looked up to see just who had decided to invite him out here. "Heeey~ fancy meeting you here, huh?" He greeted them with his usual lazy smile and a wave. "Of _all_ people... didn't really expect it to be _you!_ " That 'you' having been one of the other members of the club, one of those who hadn't managed to make his spot onto the team- with so many people wanting to join and the coach's high standards, it was pretty tough, a quite literal battle of ' _survival of the fittest_ '.  
  
"Say... What was your name again?" He tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. Despite the amount of time knowing this guy... god, how long had it been? This guy was... jeez, since before middle school, yeah? One of the big bad bullies! Of course he kind of went quieter since high school- can't really bully one of the guys selected as a main member of the team! Not to mention his greatest attempt of starting up the whole 'Tendou's a monster' thing backfired _completely_ with him not only failing to care- he grew immune to the insults in middle school- but the school taking it in with _pride_ and giving him a _title_ out of it! Shiratorizawa's special own _Guess Monster_! Ahh, it always made him buzz with pride and joy to hear~!  
  
"Tch, as if a monster like _you_ deserves to know!" Ah, of course! Silly him to assume the jerk was there for some friendly reunion and cliche whole 'I wanna apologize for my bullying' thing! He wasn't some deaf girl in a manga... Still, the way the jerk's lips were twisted into a sneer and thick eyebrows furrowed into a glower annoyed him...  
  
Nonetheless, he dared not lose heart. Maybe he'd have stood there and taken it had he been younger, but no! He wanted to have some fun with this... "Aww, so rude! You're not supposed to insult somebody like this, what are you, some sort of a tsundere~?" Battering his eyelashes innocently he clasped his hands and posed, sort of.  
  
The boy was taken aback, cheeks reddening a little. "What?! Of course not! What, you think this is some sort of a _love_ confession?!" He snickered, smirking. "You think that _anybody_ could love an ugly monster like you?!" Funny coming from the guy covered in acne.  
  
"Well what _else_ am I supposed to think? Asking to meet alone... at sunset... Why, it's like something out of a love story!" A grin rose to his face as he punched his fists into the air, one leg kicked up behind him.  
  
Once more the bully's face settled into something of annoyance and disgust, like he was looking at something gross he found on the ground. "As if _you_ would ever be in one of those!" He shoved his hands into his pockets, closing his eyes and moving his head up to the sky as he spoke flippantly. "I just decided I wanted to give you a piece of my mind! We'll be graduating soon after all... So I probably won't get an opportunity to do so again." He paused, eyes opening to send him another grimace. "Unless you decide to keep following me..."  
  
"Psh, _me_? Follow _you_?" He rolled his eyes. "Quite the ego you got there! What? Your self esteem so low and fragile you decided you needed a big ego and a punching bag to give yourself the illusion you're better than you actually are?" He smirked. "Need I remind you that _I'm_ the one who made it onto the team?" He jabbed a thumb at himself, smug as ever. Perhaps that fact had gotten to his head a little... whatever!  
  
Jeez though, the guy actually _growled_ , how sensitive _was_ he? To come out here with the intent to bully him... and ending up being the one bullied instead... kinda pathetic! He nearly pitied the guy. The whole past bullying and intent to continue bullying kind of made it hard to do so, though. "Shut it!" He took a step forward, one hand curled into a fist and the other poking his chest. "You didn't deserve that place! You aren't that strong, and you're creepy and annoying... your blocks miss half the time and nobody even likes you!" He felt himself grew irritated at this. His blocks... and targeting his relationships with others? Low blow. "Monsters and Yo-kai like you shouldn't _get_ to play on human teams!"  
  
What was this guy's _deal_? It annoyed him. He wasted his time coming out here for _this_? He didn't need this, didn't need some jerk trying to dig at all his insecurities and worries, didn't need the time awake at night he'd spend thinking about such comments... That decided, he made to leave, only for a tight hold on his arm to stop him. He grunted, looking back at the other player with annoyance, trying to snatch away his arm to no avail... Damned wing spikers and their damned strength... "Let me go. Just find some other way to feel better about yourself, like a _real_ coping mechanism, y'know?"  
  
"You don't get to leave while I'm talking to you! You damned bastard! If it weren't for you, things would be so much _better!_ Some actual _good_ player would be on the team! You just drag everybody down! Nobody likes you, you just keep on chattering on and on, you piss off the coach, you ramble on to Ushijima even though he _clearly_ doesn't even care about you! Semi gets annoyed all the time- we _all_ do!" And god if those words didn't _hurt_ and why'd he have to go there?! Of- of _course_ they liked him! They were his _teammates!_ Semi just generally got annoyed easily... Ushijima _did_ care! What would this guy know?! He hadn't even _made it_ onto the team!  
  
"Every day you're always rambling on about some dumb shit that _nobody_ \- not even those idiots Goshuki and Yamagato or whatever care! And they're like the _easiest_ to impress! Like little brats!" And he was right, they _didn't_ care about his manga rambles it wasn't new information or anything but it _still_ managed to make his intestines squirm and twist uncomfortably inside him like a bunch of snakes. Then they burned as his blood boiled at the insult the guy had dared throw at them. Insult him, sure, sure, but insulting his- his _friends_?!  
  
"That's no way to talk about others, y'know. I thought you had beef with _me,_ not _them_?" And the hand on his arm only tightened and _owch_ as if the emotional pain wasn't quite enough he had to add some physical pain on top of it too, huh? He frowned, eyebrows furrowing. "C'mon, don't get them involved in this, pal!"  
  
"Tch, or else what? You can't stop me! And I'm right, anyways! Goshuki... damned brat... that stupid hair cut- just like you used to!" Did he seriously just-?! Bowl cuts were _cool_ and he _wouldn't_ allow someone to bully his kohai simply for a _hair cut!_ "He's loud, too, too damn _peppy_ and overconfident! That brat thinks he can beat _Ushijima_?! What an idiot! Someone drop him on his head as a kid? _Any_ one of us- could do better than him!" It was damned hard to interrupt, though, with the jerk talking so much...  
  
"Quit insulting Tsutomu, you're just jealous that he's the next ace and a _way_ better spiker than you or your friends could _ever_ be even _if_ you were all fused to combine your power!" He sneered, lifting his head a little to give a condescending look.  
  
"And why do you care so much about defending him?! It's not like he cares about you... he's only _ever_ focusing on Ushijima! Has he ever even _looked_ at you for more than five minutes?!" He couldn't help but to flinch, mind searching for an instance, a moment where that was true, where he was talking, where Goshiki was listening, and where it wasn't a conversation about somebody else. God... what if he was right?! His heart clenched at the idea and he grit his teeth together, trying to ignore the way the word pained him, implanted doubt within.  
  
"Same for the others! Shirabu, Taichi! They may _act_ nice but it's just out of pure politeness! Damned brats probably talk shit about you behind your back-" he paused, grinning, crooked and malicious as he told him "they have, actually! I hear them gossiping all the time, y'know? Always complaining about _something_ or other! Ungrateful little brats... you'd be pleased to know you're one of their favourite things to talk- to _complain_ about!" Another jab at his weak spot and it seemed like a lie with all that hesitation but it _was_ something he could see happening. Wouldn't Shirabu be more upfront about it though? No, he was always trying to be polite...  
  
"Can't you just shut up already? Your voice is annoying..." He didn't want to hear this. Didn't want the pain and the doubt, and the tears and anger. Attacking his friends, then him, ugh... it was _annoying_ and his emotions mixed and he didn't _like_ it!  
  
"No! You think I'd _listen_ to a stupid monster like you?! A dumb little yo-kai that even _parents_ couldn't like?! Satori, Satori, Satori..." He clucked his tongue, chewing the name as though to taste how it sounded and a shiver ran down his spin, he felt a little nausea roll around within him... "A monkey yo-kai that lives on a mountain! All alone because it has no friends!" He didn't know _which_ kid found out the monster he shared his name with, but whoever it was, he sent out a silent curse of annoyance at them. "Psychic, man-eating monster... so _ugly_ too- a face not even a mother could love!" Jeez, that was an obvious- and yet still painful- jab...  
  
"Y'know, I think it's a pretty perfect name for you..." He tried to swallow a lump in his throat as he imagine the creature that fit the description- as he imagine _himself_! "Must suck to be you... Say, when's the last time your parents gave you a hug, huh?" He opened and closed his hands into fists- although he wasn't quite sure it was _both_ fists and not just _one_ , his right hand was going numb from the grip of the bully... that was _definitely_ going to bruise- flexing his fingers and taking deep breaths as he tried to keep calm.  
  
He couldn't bring himself to reply, throat dry, hands softly shaking and eyes glossing over just a little with tears. God, why did it _hurt_ so much? Hadn't he said he wouldn't let words hurt him anymore?! So why did it cause him so much pain?! Anger, too... He didn't want to hear this. This damned salty little jerk... Lashing out at him simply because he could... Ugh, he hated it! He was so goddamn _tired_! _Tired_ of being the monster, _tired_ of being everybody's damned punching bag! He tried again to escape the grip of his bully.  
  
"You're so week too, y'know! I bet they're disappointed. It's a miracle the coach hasn't put you off, yet! He clearly doesn't like you, getting pissed so much, and your lack of strength... Ushijima, too! He may not say it, but I'm sure he looks down on you! You're just a lanky ass redhead!" And god the guy just kept on bloody _talking!_ Couldn't he learn to shut up?! He kept on struggling, pushing back, kicking, and growing increasingly annoyed as the jerk just kept. On. _SMIRKING._ Smug little shithead!  
  
"Shut _up_ already, don't you get tired of spewing such shit? Nobody wants to hear it!" He complained, eyebrows furrowing further as he moved his arm to punch, feeling his gut burn as he found his other wrist caught in another tight grip.  
  
"We could say the same thing to you too! You're _always_ running your mouth about some stupid thing or another! Your weird nerd hobbies... your dumb actresses... nobody gives a _fuck_ about _any_ of that!" He flinched. "I bet we'd all just be a whole lot damn happier if you just couldn't speak- or if you just wound up _dead_ , heck, we'd all throw a damn party to celebrate!" That hurt, the imagine playing itself in his mind despite as much as he hated it and he shook his head, eyes scrunched closed as he tried to ignore it, to pretend he couldn't hear any of this.  
  
"You've gotta make it even worse for yourself, though, don't you? Don't think we haven't seen you hanging around with other teams! That white haired guy from Datekou, that weird, creepy little snakey guy... What are you, some sort of a traitor?" The guy pushed his face forward and _ew_ get back he didn't like that, _get away, stop talking_ he felt like a kettle bubbling over, rage spilling out in waves, still he grit his teeth, trying to contain his shaking and twitching eye.  
  
"Are you giving away our secrets or something? Playing the ugly little rat for them, are you? Tch, there's _better_ people to tell, y'know! Ones that actually _do_ stand a chance of winning! Ah, but I guess ugly sticks with ugly, huh?" The asshole snickered, glancing away for a moment. "Yeah they aren't really the prettiest, probably makes ya feel better to be around!"  
  
And that was _it!_ He couldn't stand it! As though his already stressful day- worrying about the future, graduation, careers, finding a place to stay for when he moved out of the dorms, the coach's usual yelling and just- _ugh!_ Standing here, listening to his friends and himself be insulted right to his _face_ by this absolute shitbag! "Didn't I tell you to shut up?!" He pushed, hard, and the bully seemed startled, as he let go and _finally_ he began to regain feeling in his hands, but that was something he didn't care about.  
  
He swore he was seeing red, rage boiling over the limit, he wasn't sure he'd _ever_ felt this angry, this _hurt_ before! Yet _**still**_ the damned idiot kept on **_chattering_** and throwing out slews of insults! It was annoying, like a static, like an overwhelming force grating against his nerves ever so sharply. He stood up straight, elbows up a little and head tilted as he looked at the other with wide, angry eyes and he _knew_ he looked creepy, he didn't _need_ to hear the damned "monster looking like a monster! Psh, you think you're scary?" that the jerk was spewing.   
  
"You finally decided to fight back, have you? Jeez, your so called ' _friends_ ' are gonna have to find you here, beaten up and useless! You're such a burden, they must really hate you! Ah, but they probably wouldn't care, wouldn't search or anything. Even if they did, I'm sure they'd point and laugh and just leave you here!" The words flew in and they hurt and angered him so much at the same _time_ and it was weird, for the emotions to mix around like a storm within him ready to burst forth from his chest. He grit his teeth, hot tears leaking from his eyes and eyebrows furrowing, fingers flexing even as his entire frame shook and palms sweat. The noise was so much, the words overwhelming and he wanted to run, to leave but the damned idiot was approaching him _**again**_ and that meant no escape, he had to fight, he had to defend himself and his _**friends**_ and they were friends, yeah? He tried not to let a hiccup or sob escape him, the bully just laughed more and more and continued to poke fun at him and his friends and he just- he _**leapt**_.  
  
Very briefly, dully, he noted a surprise, a shock or fear in the bully's eyes, something not that different from the spiker's who'd hopes had been crushed, who thought they had the win, that they would score that point. They were wrong, though. They landed at the slide and he huffed a little and god the guy was _still_ talking, wasn't he?! He hated it, hated it _hated it!_  
  
"Shut the fuck up already!" He grabbed him by the base of the neck and _shoved_ him against the slide, again and again and god would the guy stop _yelling_ already?! "How many times do I have to say it before you get it through your _thick_ skull?!" He moved his hands to get a better grip and slammed his head particularly hard against the hard edge. "Those are our _teammates_ \- and my _friends_ you're talking about! Didn't your parents ever teach you any manners!?" And he kept speaking, yelling, and it felt so _good_! Usually he'd hide away, try to escape, but now he could fight _back_ and it felt so fucking _**good**_.  
  
And then eventually it felt like hours later, his chest rising and falling with shaky breaths, throat hurt from angry shouts and arms still unsteady as he moved them away and sat back, staring up at the darkened sky. It was quiet. Peaceful. Good. This was good. He liked this. Eyes closing, he let himself relax for a few moments.  
  
It could've been minutes, seconds, hours, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that he felt calm again, taking a deep breath, he looked over at the bully and- his heart stopped beating for a pure second because _what the fuck._ A dark liquid seemed to be staining the side of the slide and the sand below. He reached out a hesitant hand and poked at the head, ice cold fear shooting straight through him as it came back with that same sticky liquid dripping from it and _shit shit **shit**_! Just what the fuck had he done?! He fell back, staring with wide, scared eyes at the body because _fuck_ he shouldn't be bleeding.  
  
Had he-?! No, no, no! He couldn't of! Heart beating in his throat he slowly moved forward, left hand reaching out and gently resting two- _oh god they were slightly wet weren't they? fuck_ \- fingers against the neck and moving so that his head rested on his chest. He stayed as still as he could, listening carefully and- a half sob escaped him, tears coming to his eyes once more at the pure silence, the pure stillness there was and **_fuck_**. He just- he just _killed_ somebody! He fell back, scrambling away, pitiful whines escaping his throat and tears overflowing as he faced his reality, body cold with fear and stomach heavy with dread and nausea.  
  
Right hand moving he covered his mouth to stifle the sobs and choked screams that tried to escape, giving a full body shudder as he tasted some of the blood. He could barely see with the tears that kept pouring out like a waterfall, entire body shivering. He felt like shit. He _was_ shit. He just- _**he just killed a man!**_ Fuck! That guy was right, they were _all_ right! He was a monster, a yo-kai, a man-eating beast that ended the lives of others and was hated by all.  
  
He wanted to scream, to shout, to let it out until his voice went raw and his voice box felt as though it'd been physically torn to shreds. He pulled his knees to his chest, trying to squeeze himself into as small a ball as possible as he sobbed and sobbed and _sobbed_. His hands moved to grip at his hair for a moment, clenching his eyes shut and biting his lip as he _tugged_ and god he wanted to _pull it out_. He wanted to pull it out and scratch and scratch away at every patch of skin he had. It felt like bugs crawled under it, all over him, their tiny legs tickling and little pincers pinching and biting. It was like they had noticed the _filth_ on his hands and came to get a bite, to cleanse him of it.   
  
Once more he moved his hands to tightly hold onto himself, wrapped around his waist as tightly as he could, hunching over on himself further and further as he shook and shivered, rocking a little. It was horrible- _he_ was horrible, he had just committed the unthinkable! He was a monster, demon, a yo-kai who did nothing but hurt and maim and _kill_! He was a killer, he was no protagonist, not even a side character, he was the _villain_ he deserved to be slain, to be cut up and diced into bits, to be set aflame, to be tied up and thrown into an ocean he deserved the very _worst_ of things to happen to him.  
  
FUCK. He still couldn't wrap his head around this. Couldn't understand what he just did and he was terrified and disgusted and he wanted nothing more than to run- to hide and pretend as though he didn't exist, that he was in one of the mangas he read because that would be so much _better_ than _this!_  
  
After what felt like forever and two failed attempts, he made it to his feet, quaking and read to collapse. He took a step away- and immediately he stumbled away, falling onto his hands and knees, coughing and spluttering as his stomach tried to escape though his throat, acidic bile and bits of his lunch escaping him to splatter onto the sand, the stench and taste causing him to heave a little more. For a few moments after he just kneeled there, trying to collect himself before then managing to move away from it.  
  
Fuck, shit! What was he supposed to do?! He- he was going to get caught! And arrested! And he'd be put in jail for the rest of his life and his friends would find out and- his breath, as well as his heart probably, hitched in his throat, fear rattling through him once more. He- h-he couldn't let that happen. Panicked, he fished out his phone, briefly taking a moment to wipe his hands against his hoodie to try and dry them enough to use his phone properly, one hand coming to hold his face- his mouth- once more while he used the other to navigate the device.  
  
Immediately he went to his contacts, clicking onto the most recent one. Sugu-rugu. He texted quickly, having to backspace a few times when his rush and quaky body caused some typos to properly convey his message. They'd often joked about it; providing alibis and helping each other hide bodies. This time, it was no joke. A desperate call for help after having broken down in a kids playground, eyes puffy and throat screaming, every muscle in his body either tense or sore.  
  
And god _fuck_ Suguru was typing again this was a mistake he shouldn't be doing this he shouldn't be getting his friend involved, should be turning himself in. Yet here he was, dragging his friend down with him. Was he really a monster? A yo-kai? Surely... surely, he was something much _worse_ than that, wasn't he?  
  
He buried his head in his arms once again to cry- and fuck monsters couldn't cry, could they? Funny. He never seemed to cry much in the past... but he was getting _distracted_ he should try to _focus_! This was bad- bad, bad, bad! Jesus, he should be executed, should've called a hero to come slay him, to put him in his place like what was _deserved_. Instead he was forcing his friend to come help clean up his mess with him. He should just call him off, wave it off as a joke like always.  
  
Ugh, shit... He grabbed his hair again, tugging tightly and cursing under his breath at himself. He was a monster, a demon, a yo-kai... He was the worst of the worst. God, what had he _done?!_ Fuck, he needed to fix this... Panic kicked his heart as he lifted his head to see Suguru's recent replies.   
  
_Where are you?  
I'll help._  
  
He didn't deserve such a kind partner in crime- even if the guy were believing it to be a joke, he was still far too kind to him- he deserved to rot alone on a mountain top, luring away human travelers to eat. He shouldn't answer, should play it off as just a joke and deal with the problem alone. Yet still the aching and fear within him caused him to answer the texts anyways.


End file.
